Missouri Family and Divorce Lawyer Blog

New Perspective on Representing Clients

I have represented divorce clients for almost 18 years now.  I thought I always had compassion and understanding about  my clients' needs, and I did.  I just didn't understand it exactly from their viewpoint or perspective.  Now I do.  I am in the process of getting divorced myself and let me say, it has opened my eyes on a lot of the emotional issues involving a divorce.    I have two children and I am trying to keep their best interests in mind with dealing with my soon to be ex.  It isn't always easy and I find myself biting back words, especially if I know the children are close by.  Dealing with him not wanting to pay child support even though I have the children the majority of the time, paying joint bills, deciding where to live,  when each will have the children, etc.   The list goes on.  There are so many issues that I disagree with him on but have to remain calm for the children's sake.  They are the most important part of this divorce and it is hard enough on them without us adding to their worries.  So, to all of you out there that have went through a divorce and managed to keep the children out of the battles - I salute you.  You have my utmost respect.  I know that when I represent a divorce client in the future, I will have more insight and respect for what the client is going through and, hopefully, my personal experience will make me a more compassionate attorney and more able to  guide them through the emotional process as well as the legal process.

More Suggestions on Preparing for a Divorce

I want to take the liberty of directing  you to another attorney's blog and his suggestions on how to prepare for a divorce.  The firm of Sherman & Jeffries have the Alabama Family Law Blog and have posted a series of steps on this.  Please take the time to read these steps if you are considering a divorce.  The steps are:

Step 1 - Find a Wise Guide
Step 2 - Make an accounting of the family finances
Step 2A - Determine what you own
Step 2B - Determine what you owe
Step 2C - Determine Income
Step 3 - Make photocopies of all the financial records
Step 4 - Prepare a budget (or two)
Document & Safeguard Personal Property
Step 6 - Establish your own credit
Step 7 - Assess the Financial Accounts
Step 8 - Address the Credit Accounts
Step 9 - Avoid additional debt or major purchases
Step 10 - Stay Put (until further notice)
Step 11 - Keep a diary

Although all of the steps are important, I want to point out step 11 - keeping a diary.  I recommend all my clients, whether going through a divorce or a modification, keep a diary that logs telephone calls and in-person conversations, the date and time of each, and the content of each.  I also have clients keep logs of items involving the children - comments the children make about a situation that is at issue, whether the other parent was involved, etc.  The more you can give the court specifics about an incident, the more likely your testimony is going to be believed by the court.  There are ways to protect this from being discoverable and you should discuss these ways with your attorney.

Civility Standards for Family Lawyers

Have you ever noticed that some attorneys are just downright rude to the other attorneys?  I have and apparently others have too.  It is not very pleasant to see or to be on the receiving end.  The American Bar Association's Section of Family Law has decided to do something about this problem.  It has adopted the Civility Standards.  These Standards address the responsibility of family lawyers to be civil to clients, to their opposing counsel, and to the Court itself.  Why any lawyer would not be civil to the Court is beyond me, but it happens.  The Standards are:

I. To Client

1. Treat the client with respect.
2. Try to keep the client on an even emotional keel and avoid characterizing the actions of the other party, opposing lawyers, and judicial officials in emotional terms.
3. Be aware of counseling resources and be prepared to refer the client to counseling where appropriate.
4. Where a client has an exaggerated or unrealistic view of his or her options in any given situation, explain matters as carefully as possible in order to assist the client to realistically assess the situation.
5. Respond promptly to client requests for advice or information.
6. Consider the availability and appropriateness of forms of alternate dispute resolution.
7. Where a client wishes to pursue a claim or motion for purely hostile or vindictive purposes, explain to the client the reasons why the client should not do so.
8. Do not assist a client in pursuing a claim for primary custody or visitation where the purpose of the claim is to obtain bargaining leverage in order to achieve a purely economic objective.
9. Avoid any communication to client about the judge, the other lawyer, or the other party that will contribute to disrespect for the legal process.
10. Encourage clients to comply with all court orders.

II. To Opposing Counsel

1. Be honest in all communications with opposing counsel. Do not intentionally misrepresent any factual or legal argument.
2. Be respectful and courteous in all oral and written communications with the opposing side.
3. Do not engage in conduct, oral or written, that promotes animosity and rancor between the parties or their counsel.
4. Use a demeanor and conduct during a deposition or other out-of-court meeting that would be no less appropriate than it would be in the courtroom.
5. Do not engage in harassing or obstructive behavior.
6. Honor reasonable requests for routine extensions of time, unless a client’s position will be adversely and materially affected.
7. Confer in good faith with opposing counsel on scheduling matters.
8. Do not utilize the manner of service of pleadings or discovery requests to disadvantage the opposing counsel.

III. To the Court

1. Act with complete honesty; show respect for the court by proper demeanor; and act and speak civilly to the judge, court staff and adversaries.
2. Avoid frivolous litigation and non-essential pleading in litigation.
3. Explore settlement possibilities at the earliest reasonable date, and seek agreement on procedural and discovery matters.
4. Avoid delays not dictated by a competent and justified presentation of a client’s claims or defenses.
5. Strive to protect the dignity and independence of the judiciary, particularly from unjust criticism and attack.

These Standards are a good start.

Source: South Carolina Family Law Blog; Domestic Diversions; Georgia Family Law Blog

Honesty With Your Lawyer

Do you know what bothers me most about representing family law clients?  Actually it is what bothers me the most in representing all clients.  It is when my clients do not tell me the truth about something. Do they  think I won't find out that they lied or didn't tell me all of the story?  Please . . . 

I inform my clients during the initial conferences that I expect them to tell me the truth when I ask them questions and for them to mention anything that they think I might need to know.  I am not being nosey when I do this.  Well, maybe a little but the important issue is that if I am not told the truth, even if it is bad, I cannot represent the client to the best of my ability.

If I know about the bad or negative items, then I can figure out the best way to handle them.    Words cannot explain how bad it is to go into court or even into depositions and have the opposing counsel spring something on me that turns the issues around because my client wasn't honest with me.  It has only happened a couple of times and it is not, as Martha Stewart would say, "a good thing." 

In custody cases in particular, depending on the issue, it could be devastating to the client's case.  Once a client is caught in a lie (or the implication of a lie) the court will have a hard time believing the remainder of what the client is representing to the court. 

I have found it is better to be prepared for any negativity that may come out, to be prepared to present that item to the court myself if that is determined to be the best for the client, and to deal with it in such a way that the court  may understand the situation and still rule in favor of my client.  It may not work to the benefit of my client as there are just some things the court will not overlook.  However,  if I do not know about it I cannot prepare for it and I cannot prepare the client for what could happen.  I have found that clients prefer to know the bad as well as the good on potential outcomes for their case.

The bottom line is, be honest with your lawyer and let him/her prepare your case knowing the good and the bad.  Remember, your conversations with your lawyer remain confidential unless you give permission otherwise.  It is better for the lawyer to have too much information than not enough.