STEPS TO TAKE WHEN CONSIDERING A DIVORCE

When a person is considering leaving his or her spouse and filing for divorce, emotions are usually running high and may take over the person's rational judgment.  I see this all the time when I am consulting with a divorce client for the first time.  Therefore, I have created a list of things to do or consider before taking that final step and moving out of the marital home or having the spouse do so.  These steps are based on Missouri law but can be useful in other states.  Some of the things you should do are:

1. Know your financial situation.  Know what your monthly, semi-annual or annual bills are, how much income you and your spouse have coming in,  and where all bank accounts, stock assets, retirement accounts, 401K accounts, etc. are and the value of each.  It is a good idea to make a copy of each document and keep them in a safe place where your spouse will not be able to take them or destroy them.  I usually recommend the client keep the documents in a safe deposit box that the spouse does not have access to or  a parent's  or friend's house.  It is not unusual for one spouse to try to hide assets from the other when going through a divorce.  You should also be thinking about what debts each of you will pay during the pendency of the divorce. 
2. Know the physical assets in your house - each antique, family heirloom, furniture pieces, kitchen items, etc.  It is a good idea to have a video or a picture of all physical assets in the house for future reference.  While you are doing this be thinking about the value of each piece and whether that piece is something you would like to keep or let your spouse have. 
3. Know the vehicles that are owned or leased by you and your spouse.  This should include the make, model, vehicle identification number, how titled, the current mileage, and the debt and creditor on each vehicle.
4. Obtain the legal description of each parcel of real property that is owned by the two of you together  and by either of you separately.  Know the value of each property and the debt thereon.  If needed, have a real estate agent look at the property and give you an estimate of what he/she thinks the property can sell for in the current market.
5. Know the insurance policies that are on you, your spouse and any children you have.  This should include health and life policies.  Obtain copies of these documents if possible.  If your spouse carries the insurance for you, start checking into the availability and cost of obtaining insurance through your employer or through a private insurance agency.  In Missouri the spouse is not required to carry insurance on you after the divorce is finalized unless so ordered by the court.  The spouse that is carrying the insurance when the divorce petition is filed is required to maintain it throughout the divorce proceeding. 
6. Start putting together what your financial situation will look like after the divorce if you receive all that you want and/or will be obligated to pay.  Usually if you receive an item that has a debt on it, you will be required to assume that debt.  Take into consideration any insurance that you will need to obtain and pay for.  Do not count on receiving any maintenance (formerly known as alimony) as maintenance is difficult to obtain in Missouri if both spouses are working, healthy, and capable of providing for himself or herself.
7. Start considering the custody and visitation arrangements for any minor children (under 18) that you and your spouse have together.  If one of you have a child that is not the other spouse's, the non-parent spouse will not have any custody or visitation rights to the child unless the parent agrees to it.  I always instruct my clients that unless the other parent is abusive or negligent in some manner regarding the children, the children need to spend as much time as possible with both parents.  This is a time for the parents to put aside their anger and hurt with each other and think about what is best for the children.   The children will be going through enough heartache and difficulty with the parental separation and do not need to be put in the middle of the battleground unless there truly is a legitimate reason that concerns the children's health and welfare.
8. Plan for ways to pay for your attorney fees and costs for the divorce.  In Missouri the filing fees for a divorce range from $125.00 to approximately $200.00 (depending on the county where filing and if there is real estate and children involved).  Attorney fees for a contested case will usually range from a retainer of $750.00 to approximately $15,000.00, depending upon the complexity of the case and the amount of fighting between the parties that the attorney anticipates.  Attorney hourly fees are usually between $125.00 and $250.00.  Just remember, you will usually pay more for an experienced attorney.  Some attorneys will take payment plans but more and more divorce attorneys are requiring a large retainer (what they think the case will cost in total) because of past clients not paying all the fees that are due.  This seems to be the one area where that is a problem for attorneys.
9. Remember, the more you and your spouse can work out together as far as division of assets, debts and the custody and visitation of your minor children, the less the Judge will have to decide and the less you will receive a judgment that neither of you like.  It will also be cheaper as far as your attorney fees are concerned.

The above is just a start in the items that you should consider and do if you are contemplating a divorce.  Depending on your particular circumstances, an attorney will advise you of more things to do or not to do.  Whether you hire an attorney to represent you or if you decide to go "pro se" in your divorce proceedings, you should always consult with an attorney in the beginning to know what your legal rights are.